Coping

If you haven't followed our saga with Preston, you're probably better off. It's long, overwhelming and at times quite dramatic. I've gone back and forth with how much to share and discuss forever. I want to protect my child and yet I have a need to be open and honest and share to help others and gain the support I feel like I need. I don't want to label my children and I don't want to make excuses for them. But understanding their abilities and limitations is important.

Anyway, at his 4 year well check, there was some break down in what the doctor was asking him to do and what he was able to do (or at least able to understand). He referred us to a Speech Therapist at Primary Children's.

Now for those who don't know, Preston didn't speak much when he was two and we had him tested and put into speech therapy through Early Intervention. His speech caught up fairly well and when they tested him at three, he didn't qualify for the special needs preschool. For us that was good news. We don't want free school for our kid who has challenges. We just want him to succeed. But there was part of me that still felt something was off, and many of the specialists at the school said the same. They just couldn't put their finger on it. It's been a LONG, FRUSTRATING, EXHAUSTING process trying to figure out what his needs and limitations are because...well...because he's a kid and can't really tell us. It's like a great big puzzle. Over time we find one piece here and there and start to piece the puzzle together little by little, but we still have no idea what picture we're even trying to build.

Back to the present. The speech therapist told us he was behind in both receptive and expressive language. We were able to rule out hearing loss as a factor because after two years of trying and testing and sound booths, we were finally able to get him to understand and not be freaked out by the test itself. And it looks like he's at least in the range of normal for hearing. Yay to some good news! The audiologist referred us to a specialist at Primary's to have him tested for auditory processing disorder though since even though he can hear he doesn't seem to process it fully. And the speech therapist referred us to an occupational therapist since many of the skills he is behind in are self-help (using the potty, dressing himself, etc) or pre-academic skills (holding a pencil, cutting with scissors, etc). The OT was able to tell us that yes, he is behind and that it is most likely due to sensory integration issues and some praxis disorder. Um...what? Ok. Yeah, I had no clue. She explained that praxis is the brain's ability to plan and organize itself and carry through the action with the right muscles (a.k.a. muscle planning). They recommended speech therapy and occupational therapy for him. Both recommended 12 sessions over 3 months and then reevaluating based on his progress and new goals we will have for him. Whoa! Slow down. The other FANTASTIC (not) news is that we have no clue if the insurance will cover the therapy. The way they word everything is so vague (probably so they can avoid paying later). So we'll just have to start it and hope for the best. GREAT!

I'm not sure how most people handle news like this, but it went something like this for me.

1. Relieved to finally have some answers and to know I haven't been crazy or paranoid all these years.
2. Freaked out at the finality of really have a diagnoses (or several) and what it means for the future of my precious child.
3. Guilt. What did I do wrong? Did I cause this? Should I have talked to him more or rocked him more or held him... How did this happen? Did I eat something or drink something... What if, what if, what if...
4. Grief. I was sad and overwhelmed for Preston and for how much harder some things will be for him in life because of these trials. I cried and cried and then cried myself to sleep many nights in a row.
5. Researcher. I'm sure some people would rather not know all the details, but for me knowledge is power. It's overwhelming to deal with KNOWING sometimes, but it helps me formulate a good plan, schedule, routine, etc. if I have read and analyzed things from every perspective and broken it down into something more manageable. Not only did I read a lot on the internet, I found a bunch of books at the library and ordered several online. Here is my stack to begin with. Yes, I'm crazy, but I'm also already well into my reading and understanding my child a bit more.

We have our first therapy session with the OT next Wednesday. I'm excited to get to work with him and get some tools for helping him, but I'm scared too. It's not exactly good news and it's not good timing at all. But what do you do? You do the best you can to cope each and every day, you pray a lot, and you try to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing and will not abandon you in your journey. Feel free to keep our amazing little man in your prayers.

April & May - Catching Up With Pictures

So I'm WAY behind again. Not sure if I will ever be good at blogging again. It might just be too much to juggle right now. But at least I get a little done for the sake of documenting our lives a little. More to come on the chaos that exists here later. For now...here is what we've been doing the last couple months.

Lots of trips to the zoo....some by ourselves, others with friends. Some we forgot to bring the camera. But we are definitely getting our money's worth from our zoo pass. Now, if only it would stop raining all the time.

Kenya turns 3. A fairy party. Let me just say Dylan was not thrilled with the idea of such a girly party. Oh, give me a break! He insisted on the star glasses instead of the heart ones. Thankfully Preston didn't care about the shape. He was thrilled to get a green pair...his all-time favorite color.

The pinata was a hit, although it was pretty cold, and the kids played really well together. It was funny to watch all the big boys excited about Kenya's baby all gone doll. They all took turns feeding her. Hilarious!

Milli's 3rd Birthday - party at the park. This turned out perfect since we have a niece on my side and on Marcos' side who share the same birthday. One party was on Saturday and one on Monday. That made coordinating a little bit easier. Milli was darling opening her presents (with some unsolicited help from her cousin Kylie ;)). She is all girl and loved all the dress-ups she got for her birthday. The bubbles were a hit with all the little kids. Preston LOVED them! And the older kids disappeared and played games the whole time. What a great day!

My cousin (2nd cousin really) got married yesterday (May 19). Her bridal shower was a couple weeks before at my great aunt Carol's home. It was lots of fun. I started taking pictures and then got too carried away talking and enjoying myself. But it was great to see family and also see Amanda so excited and happy.

As promised, my kids and I finished our train unit from last fall at the Golden Spike reenactment on Tuesday, May 10. It was the 142nd anniversary of the transcontinental railroad. Contrary to the mocking I received from a few friends, it was a blast. The kids loved it, but timing wasn't great. It rained and rained. By the time it was over we were soaked and ready to go. We ended up eating our sack lunches in the car. We did stop by a friend's house in Brigham City before heading home. The kids were so excited to hold their frog. And to top it all off, we stopped at Peach City to split an order of fries and a milkshake. Talk about a great day for a kid! Oh, and Preston got a train movie and Dylan bought himself a pocket watch from the gift shop on our way out. He's always wanted one and felt so important opening it up and looking at the time over and over again. He said he felt like a real train conductor. :)

Mother's Day was great. Chaotic, but great. Marcos and Dylan woke me up way too early to give me my Mother's Day present, a darling necklace with a picture of my kids that my sister-in-law actually made. I told Marcos I needed more sleep for my present so he made breakfast for everyone while I snoozed for a few more minutes. Unfortunately he was on call and had to go into work right after that so I ended up making my own breakfast, getting the kids ready for church by myself, helping Dylan with his talk, and planning on subbing Marcos' primary class having not read the lesson. Thankfully he got back in time to teach the lesson himself. Pure chaos for a couple hours. But it was great. After church, we went up to my mom's house for dinner. It was great to spend time with my mom and celebrate her (and my sisters, who are all such great mothers too).

Timing was perfect on Mother's Day. We headed down to Mercedes' house for some dessert. The kids played and got a big crazy group picture with Abuela. Marissa and Otis were fascinated with each other. They hugged, poked each other, and Otis even took a little bite of Marissa. She was NOT happy. I couldn't help but laugh, mean mom that I am.

Clothes, clothes, clothes. I went through Marissa's clothes a few weeks ago and finally got up the courage to go through all the boys clothes. The semi-annual changing of the clothes extravaganza. Wow! It was an exhausting, all-day process, but I got it done. Preston LOVES trying on clothes so I had to add a couple pictures of him in here. One day I found him after quiet time with his pajamas back on and his polo he had been wearing on top, inside out and backwards on top of them. Another day, he had pulled all the clothes out of the hamper, climbed in, zipped himself in the hamper and fallen asleep during quiet time. Gotta love that kid!

Naked baby. My mother-in-law wanted a picture of Marissa sitting without clothes on. She has one of all the grandkids around the same age. So here was my attempt at getting a picture of this fast, curious, naked little thing. She did not sit still for long, but I managed to snap a couple decent pictures to send to Mercedes.

Two frogs and a princess.

These are my darling kids. I know, everyone loves their kids and thinks they're adorable, but honestly, I just can't imagine my life without these monkeys. They are nothing alike. Each one is unique- completely different - and causes me much joy and yet plenty of stress and worry. But they make me happier than I ever thought possible. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than help raise such precious little ones.

St. George Trip...Continued

Okay, okay. I was wrong. Angie, my dear, sweet, loving sister, got me pictures from her camera of the St. George trip. Still missing all the ones Alicia took at the dinner, but I'm getting there. Here are a few more from our Saturday fun.

Sunday was interesting. It was our second year in a row celebrating Easter somewhere else. Not my favorite thing, but it worked out okay. In the morning I was exhausted and asked Marcos if he would hold the baby until the boys woke up because I had been up so late. He said something like, "You went to bed when I did. Why are you so tired?" I just laughed. "Oh really? Then how did all the Easter festivities get done?" Yeah, he slept through it all. The Easter Bunny was super practical...my favorite quality in that darling bunny! ;) The bunny brought each of the boys a DVD and a book, a pair of sunglasses and a squirty toy. The boys got to find their plastic eggs, which is always their favorite part. We read scriptures and tried to have a spiritual moment, but missing church and being in a hotel on Easter is just not the same. We will avoid that if possible next year. Anyway, it was a really fun Easter. After the kids opened their baskets and found their eggs, we had some breakfast, packed up and headed home. It was a short trip, but fun.

On the way home, we stopped to use the bathroom and get some lunch and hit the jackpot. There is a little petting zoo in Scipio that we discovered. At first we just walked around petting the animals because everything was locked up. But before you knew it, the owners came with bottles of milk for the baby goats and let us in to help feed the other animals. It was so much fun for all of us. Oh, and they feed chickens bananas. Who knew? We ended up spending over an hour there because everyone was having such a good time. It was worth getting home a little later to be able to see and hang out with all those animals.

St George: Day 2

Saturday we packed as much activity into one day as possible. After a surprisingly pleasant night in the hotel, we devoured a scrumptious breakfast. There was a lot to do so we sent the men with the kids to the pool while Marissa took a nap and the women showered, ironed and started getting ready. Not only did we get all the extended family together, but Angie and Justin blessed their baby, Bailey Michelle Johnson, while we were there. It was a lot to coordinate kids, clothes, transportation, food, etc. but it went really well. The worst part...my camera battery died. So I have pictures of the blessing and then nothing until the next day. My sisters took TONS of pictures, but getting them is a problem. They're not exactly technologically savvy. Oh well. I'll eventually get them, but they might not end up on the blog. We'll see.

Poor Preston got his finger slammed in the bathroom door at my grandma's before we left to get pictures taken so he wasn't in the best mood, but hopefully we get something resembling a decent picture out of the ordeal. I'm not sure of the total count, but it was A LOT of people. The food was really good and overall the kids were really well behaved. It was fun to hang out a bit with my cousins. Some of the younger girl cousins were amazing. They were chasing and playing with our kids. Gotta love that! I remember doing the same thing with them when they were little like that. Funny how old and grown up we've become.

After lunch, we headed back to the hotel for...yep, you guessed it, more swimming. ;) That's our favorite part of staying in a hotel. I had been swimming forever and was starting to get a little chilly and tired so I headed over to the hot tub to relax for a minute. Marcos had the baby and was watching the boys swim, plus all my sisters and their husbands were in the pool. One lady in the hot tub was talking to her daughter and said, "Maybe we should come back tomorrow when this family isn't here." She didn't connect that I was with "that family" since I was taking a much needed break. So funny! I don't blame her. If I saw 8 adults and 9 kids coming to a small hotel pool, I would run too. My mom and grandma came over and watched us swim and then we got showered and headed up to my grandma's house for some pizza, pie and ice cream. The kids played outside the entire time so it was a peaceful and quiet evening. It was definitely a rare treat! :) Marcos and I were even able to sneak out to pick up some treats for our Easter egg hunt the next morning. Somehow we had forgotten to pack the candy. What a great day!

My mom and step dad and the grandkids: Marissa, Tony, Connor, Dylan, Bailey, Kamyn, Kenya, Preston, Tanner

The outfits were darling! Bailey was still in her blessing dress, but later changed into a dress matching Marissa and Kenya. What a cute grandma!

St George: Swimming

My whole extended family went to St. George over Easter weekend. My grandpa turned 80 this year and my grandma and grandpa were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. All my mom's siblings, their kids and their grandkids got together for a huge chaotic family picture and a delicious catered dinner. It was fun to get to see everyone and to celebrate two amazing people. Because there were so many people going down, we needed to find a place to stay. My mom ended up paying for all of us to get hotel rooms so it wouldn't be a trip that would be difficult financially. She is amazing! I still can't believe she did that for us. We stayed at the Clarion Suites, which was perfect. Great room, awesome swimming pool and excellent breakfast food. Pretty much when we weren't eating, sleeping or hanging out with family, we were in the pool. It was all we could do to pull the kids away from the pool, especially Preston. If you haven't heard, we're raising fish around here. :)