A Day In The Life

I decided it is time to get back to blogging a little.  I may never have as much time to dedicate to it as I used to, but this is the best way I have found for keeping a history of our family.  So, hopefully I'm back.  I may or may not ever "catch up" on what I didn't blog, but I'm going forward either way.  I decided to write this post because life is crazy busy right now.  I remember not long after Dylan was born, pulling out a journal my mom had kept when I was a baby and reading through it.  It was so comforting to hear her life as a young mother.  She was on the phone one time and I had gotten into the garbage and was flinging banana peels all over the kitchen.  Another time, I'd managed to spill an entire  bottle of vegetable oil on the kitchen floor and was happily "swimming" through the mess.  It helped me realize "this too shall pass" and that she was real too.  Life is busy and it may not calm down any time soon, but some day far into the future, I want to look back at these days  and remember them with fondness.  So here is just a random day.  Nothing special.  Just a normal day in the life.

Caleb was super fussy going to sleep last night, which threw his sleeping schedule off.  I woke up at 1:30 a.m. to feed him.  As I was changing his diaper at 1:45 a.m., Marissa wandered in sleeping and whiny saying she needed to go to the bathroom.  Took her to the bathroom, got her a sippy cup of water, and put her back in bed.  At 3:30 a.m. I heard Marissa starting with a croupy cough.  She's apparently caught some sort of bug again.  Not bad enough to worry too much, but something to keep an eye on in the nights to come.  At 5:45 a.m. I hear Marissa scream.  I think to myself, "NO!  This cannot be happening again."  Stupid daylight savings time and kids waking other kids.  Preston has been WAY OFF lately!  A good thing and a bad thing (since it usually means he's about to have major progress developmentally, but it's difficult to deal with in the meantime).  I took Preston out of his own bed and put him in Marissa's room alone and told him to go back to sleep.  Crisis averted.  Marissa and Dylan settle back into sleep without getting up before 6 a.m. for the day.  I feed Caleb again and put him back to sleep.

Marcos gets up, showers, and heads out the door at 6:30 a.m. to give plasma.  Our tight, one-income budget requires drastic measures to allow me to stay home with the kids.  He heads back home to grab breakfast at 7:45 a.m.  I hop in the shower and head downstairs to make breakfast for the crew.  I'm exhausted, but it's time to get moving.  Marcos checks messages and scheduling for work while he inhales his food.  I attempt to keep the kids relatively quiet while they eat so he can multi-task.  Dylan packs Marcos a lunch to take with him (he loves being helpful like that).  Marcos finishes up his work and heads out the door to visit patients.

Dylan starts his piano practicing at 8:30 a.m.  It's supposed to happen while I make breakfast so I can oversee the process, but we don't waste time, but it rarely does.  Now I have to try to stick around to listen to him practice when I need to help Marissa get dressed, brush teeth, and do her hair.  I get her settled and go check on Preston.  He is supposed to be doing his morning chores, which include making his bed, brushing his teeth, getting dressed and emptying the dishwasher.  He hasn't done any.  He is either really quick and gets everything done or it takes me all day helping, encouraging, and reminding him.  Today was the latter.

Despite Preston dragging his feet, I gather the kids for morning devotional.  This consists of song, prayer, pledge, calendar and weather, scriptures (illustrated simplified version) and a story from The Friend magazine.  Caleb wakes up hungry so I feed him while we finish devotional and work on memorization.  Dylan pretty much has the theme memorized for his Knights of Freedom group so we work on Articles of Faith.  He knows them, but forgets a word here and there so we are reviewing.
Marissa smiles through her memorization of the first Article of Faith.  Preston starts to throw a fit and then decides he will do it, but his own way.  Oh dear, it's going to be one of those days for him.

Dylan gets started with his independent subjects.  He's getting pretty good at working on his own.  He knows if he gets going, the day goes better and he is more likely to get time with friends if they are available to play.  Marissa hops on my lap with several story books so I spend some time reading to her while I hold Caleb and Preston stands up by the dishwasher thinking about starting his morning routine.  After what feels like 20 books, I get Preston to at least get dressed and brush his teeth and come join me for his subjects (reading, writing, and math).  He fights it for a second and then gets excited all over again.  His reading goes well.  It's coming along much better than I ever expected.  Although he is probably between a kindergarten and 1st grade level, he is MUCH further than I ever expected him to be at this point.  It takes a lot of patience and dedication to work with him on a regular basis, but he is getting there.

Caleb gets fussy so I put him down for another nap.  Still no regular schedule of naps, but a pattern of eating, playing and then sleeping.  His play time was long and now he is ready for the next rest period.  Dylan finishes everything he can do on his own and we still have 20 minutes until I think about lunch.  That's just enough time to hit a language arts lesson and/or his writing lesson for the day (both which require my help).  They are shorter than expected so we get through both and I start lunch while I give him his spelling words.  Prayer is said, sandwiches eaten, and many words spelled correctly.  It's a Thursday so Dylan has a geography class at 1:00 p.m.  He finishes spelling and lunch in time to head out the door to his class.

Somehow Preston gets a second wind and gets his dishwasher unloaded.  Hallelujah!  Since Dylan loading dishes depends on Preston getting his done, that cycle can become a problem in a hurry.  Now Dylan can maybe load dishes in the afternoon before there are even more added to the sink at dinner.

I feed Caleb again and read a couple books to Marissa and Preston.  Marissa brings me her cupcake fairy puzzle and we all put that together with Caleb cooing along with our conversation.  Dylan comes home and two friends join us.  Dylan is working with a new scout to help him get his Bobcat as one of his scouting requirements, and another friend joins us because her mom has an appointment.  We only have about an hour before our next commitment.  They quickly work on learning the scout promise and then commence playing.  The scout session/play date ends and Dylan walks one friend home after the other is picked up by her mom.  I get out a matching game, an Eye Spy preschool game, 6 books and a puzzle for Dylan to work with Marissa while I take Preston to music class.  I am helping with his class this year, which is awesome.  I knew I needed more time with him alone and it's been a bonus because his teacher is swapping our music tuition for the family in exchange for helping her.  Wa-hoo!  Free stuff is always good. However, Marcos recently got his Sons of Helaman group up and running and his second job overlaps with the time I am gone.  I didn't have a babysitter for Caleb lined up yet so I got him fed, and prayed he would sleep and be good while we were there so I could still be helpful.  Dylan is great with the other two kids, but I don't dare leave him with the baby just yet.  Marcos stops by for a paper he forgot and to change into his suit since he has a church meeting right after his group ends.  So he went from donating plasma to work all day, to his second job, to a church meeting.  I will see him again around 9:00 p.m.  Busy day!  I get Dylan settled with activities he can do with Marissa, feed the baby, and head out the door with Preston and Caleb.

We get back from music class, I feed Caleb again, and get dinner started.  Thankfully I've actually gone through to make a two-week menu since we are being super careful with money and trying to be somewhat healthy as well.  YIKES!  Dinner is a lot of work even with a plan.  Dylan loads dishes while I cook and we chat for a bit.  In the process he tells me I am one of his heroes.  I thank him, but he repeats it with more feeling, "No really, Mom!  You're one of my heroes.  You're one of the coolest people I know.   You can do everything so well!  You're such a good cook.  And, well, you can do anything.  I don't know how, but you just can."  One of the better moments of being a mom.  Makes all the hard work worth it somehow.  I feed the family (minus Marcos who will have to eat when he gets home), get fussy Caleb settled for his "mini-nap" before he eats and goes to bed for the night, and head upstairs to bathe Preston and Marissa (who have made many messes all throughout the house while I was making dinner).  I debate whether or not I will have the energy to clean up the tornado that occurred while I had to do a million other things.  I get lotion, essential oils (yeah, we use those too...we're the weird home school, natural birth, essential oil family now.  Mock if you must!) and pajamas on Preston and Marissa, read a handful of books to them while they alternate who gets to choose the next one, and say family prayer with Dylan, Preston, and Marissa.

Dylan hops in the shower and comes to talk to me.  Marcos gets home, I warm him up some food, he changes clothes, and reads to Dylan.  Knights of Freedom is with dads this month and they have one week left to finish their book.  Gotta get in reading whenever they can.  Dylan gets to stay up a little later, but at least gets a little one-on-one time with Marcos.  I'm completely spent and opt for listening to a general conference talk while I straighten up a bit rather than struggling to stay awake reading my scriptures and waking up to the complete disaster that is my house.  Marcos helps me clean up and we both head to bed, lucky to even get our teeth brushed for the night.

Yep, I'm exhausted just reading about the day!  Is every day that busy?  No, but in general there isn't much downtime for either of us.  It's a super crazy, busy life.  We don't fill our lives with extras that aren't necessary, but the things we have chosen that we feel are important for our lives keep us very busy.  We know these are the busy years that require sacrifice.  It's a crazy life, but it's definitely a great life!

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Caleb's Birth

I am overwhelmed with emotion as I think back over the past few days.  I like to plan.  I like knowing what is going to happen.  And in general, it has been difficult for me to move forward with faith during stressful times.  But I'm learning.  As I reflect on the past several years, it amazes me just how much trials have prepared me for the future and the direction my life is supposed to take.  I don't even like to admit that out loud, but it's true.  As I reflect on my pregnancy, labor, and delivery with baby Caleb, that is what I see.  God's plan is so much more perfect that we can even imagine.  It takes so much faith and trust, which do not come natural to me, but it is simply amazing to see how well orchestrated his plans for his children are.

My pregnancy with Caleb was my most difficult by far.  I had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with him, which was very difficult emotionally.  To my surprise, finding faith to move forward and trusting that there was another child waiting to join our family after the miscarriage was very difficult for Marcos and I to come to terms with as a couple.  But when we took a leap of faith together, it was very apparent that Caleb was supposed to join our family and that he had been waiting for that opportunity.  The pregnancy was great until about month seven, when the previous back/hip problems I had had with Marissa began to surface.  It was a very long 3rd trimester with a lot of aches and pains that I hadn't experienced in my previous pregnancies.  By the time week 36 rolled around, I was counting down the days until Caleb's birth.  A little bit before that, I learned that my midwife would be having knee surgery and would not be back until a few days before my due date.  I felt the need to find another provider to see me so I would know the person who ended up delivering my baby.  I didn't connect emotionally with the provider I ended up choosing, but she had come highly recommended so I decided all would be fine.  It was...only not in the way that I originally thought.

A week before my official due date, I woke up and had some bleeding.  It was Sunday and Marcos was at bishopric meeting.  I had been told to go to the hospital if there was blood so I texted Marcos, called my mom to come get the kids, and packed a bag.  We arrived around 10 a.m. at the hospital and my mom kept the kids outside while she waited to see if I would be admitted.  As we walked up, Marcos said hi to one of the nurses.  It turns out that he works with Stacie.  Stacie's full time job is in labor and delivery at the hospital, but she works PRN for hospice.  She became our nurse.  I was dilated to a 4, but wasn't having many contractions so we decided to walk for awhile.  When she checked me again, I was dilated to a 5.  They were definitely admitting me.  I'm not sure if it was the lavendar essential oil she could smell on my feet or just a look on my face, but she asked if I was considering having a natural birth.  I actually had thought a lot about it, but never quite had the courage to address it fully or take a class or anything.  I told her that I hadn't taken any classes or prepared in any way, but that I had considered it many times.  She said that if I wanted to try, she was the person to help me through it.  Marcos immediately started figetting and getting nervous just at the suggestion of a natural birth.  I really appreciated Stacie helping him see his nervous reaction and put it in check.  She said, "Marcos, you are way more nervous than Maria.  You are going to need to relax if you want to be there for her and help make this happen."  And he did.  I'm not sure how, but he calmed himself quite a bit after that.  I was admitted and ended up in the natural birthing room, Rm 4504, which had a big soaking tub.  Awesome!

I was bummed when I learned that the "new" provider I had been seeing for the past few weeks was checked out for the weekend so I would have the OB who was on call.  I couldn't believe it would still end up being a stranger who delivered my baby.  We started walking laps again though and we saw her charting in the hall and eventually introduced ourselves.  She was awesome!  Just seeing and talking to her put my mind at ease.  I knew she was meant to be the one who delivered this baby.  It was just another tender mercy from the Lord.  First Stacie was on shift and ended up being our nurse and now Dr. Houpe would be our doctor.  It felt right and I felt very much at peace knowing the Lord had answered my prayers that everything would happen the way it was meant to happen.  We did laps and chatted for quite awhile, which was fun.  Marcos and I were joking and laughing and I'm sure everyone on the floor thought we were nuts...but it helped pass the time and relaxed me even more.  Eventually Stacie hooked me up with some Pitocin since my contractions weren't coming very regularly.  I was nervous for that part because Pitocin can make your contractions come on so strong all of a sudden, but she started me with a low-level and gradually increased it so my contractions were steady and getting progressively stronger.  I'm so glad she knew what she was doing.  She told me towards the beginning to focus on her and to trust her and she would help me through it.  That is exactly what I did.  

Stacie got out an exercise ball for me to sit on to help with the pain and pressure of the contractions.  It did help quite a bit.  At this point, I think we had decided to stay in the room.  Marcos turned on the TV I'm sure with every intention of finding something sports or news related to watch.  When he turned it on, the first channel that came on had nature scenes and relaxing music playing.  I thanked him and told him that I really thought that the pictures and music would help keep me calm and focused.  So here's the thing.  Nurturing comes more easily to some people than to others.  And men in general don't always get it.  They may need a bit more than a vibe to know what you need or expect of them.  For me, this experience helped me recognize the give and take that are required, and the need to find middle ground.  Sometimes I find myself ignoring things that are bothering me instead of addressing them until it is to the point I want to scream about some little thing that happened.  Marcos and I have been married 14 years.  You learn a lot of give and take in that period of time.  You learn to compromise and negotiate.  But I have to say, this was definitely a reminder to me about how important it is to communicate well and to make sure your needs are known and heard.  And there is a good way and a not so good way to do that.  This time, I was able to find a good way to do it.  Anyway, we watched the nature channel to help me focus and take my mind off the monotony of labor, and we saved Fox News and soccer for the recovery room.  It worked for both of us.  

When Stacie came back in to check on us, she mentioned I could get in the tub if I wanted.  I told her I would like to do that.  I am SO glad I did!  The hot water took the edge off of the contractions.  I sat in the soaking tub and listened to Marcos and Stacie talk a little bit about work and added a comment here and there.  In general, it was just nice to take the focus off of the pain while I tried to breathe through the contractions and remain calm and focused.  Stacie had one other patient so she was in and out of the room during this time.  Marcos had picked up a magazine and started reading it.  Again, I realized the importance of communicating my needs to him.  I just said, "Can you just put the magazine away and sit with me?"  I told him to just talk or tell me a story, but you know how when you ask someone to talk, they automatically cannot think of one thing to talk about.  So we sat in silence for a bit and he just held my hand.  I stayed in the tub until I was dilated to an 8.  At that point, Stacie told me I should probably stay on the bed in case I transitioned quickly.  

I remember my stomach dropping all of a sudden and thinking, "Oh my heck.  This is really happening.  There's no turning back now."  And I remember telling Stacie, "I'm really starting to get nervous."  I'm pretty sure that at that point I had something between the look of sheer terror and a deer caught in the headlights going for me.  I later learned from a friend who has had all her children without medicine that the "look" happens every time during the transition phase.  Good to know I wasn't completely crazy!  Stacie told me it was okay to be nervous for a minute but then I needed to pull myself back together so I could relax and focus again.  So that's what I tried to do.  The contractions got much harder.  At one point Stacie turned to me and said, "It's okay.  This is as hard as they will get.  They just need to get closer together until you can push and then we will meet your baby."  As the contractions started, she would count, "Breathe in, 2, 3. Breathe out, 2, 3."  It was so hard to be calm and relaxed with such intense contractions, but I did my best.  I remember feeling my eyebrows furl or my jaw clench and hearing her say, "No, relax your face.  Breathe in, 2, 3. Breath out, 2, 3."  So hard to do.  To keep everything relaxed instead of tensing up with the pain.  But I did it.  At one point, the contractions weren't coming any closer together so she had to turn up the Pitocin.  She turned the machine away from me so I couldn't see what she had done.  It made me laugh a little.  It's true.  I could handle it, but my mind was playing games with me.  The idea of more Pitocin scared me so she didn't want me to know how much she gave me.  But she knew I needed it so I wouldn't wear myself out completely with the labor and then not be able to push when it was time.  So I trusted her.  It got to the point that when a contraction would start if Stacie didn't know, I would just quickly blurt out, "I need you to count" so she would know the contraction was starting and I needed her to be the one there to listen to and keep me focused on my breathing and not on the pain.  When I was finally dilated to a 10 they told me it was okay to push when I felt ready so with the next contraction I pushed.  It was intense!  It burned...A LOT!  But it was awesome.  I know that seems strange, but it was.  

On August 18, 2013 at 5:54 p.m. Caleb Roberto Uboldi was born.  He weighed 9 lbs 1 oz and was 21 inches long.  He had a ton of hair, which was a shocker considering our other three children had been completely bald.  He looked blue because his face was bruised.  The cord had been wrapped around his neck.  He had long fingers and toes.  I remember thinking this kid could probably scale a tree with no problem with those long toes.  He was BEAUTIFUL!  He was absolutely PERFECT!!  I was EXHAUSTED!  But it was such a peaceful moment.  I sat there breathing with my eyes closed for a few moments more.  I could not believe what I had just experienced.  A new baby is a perfect, pure, innocent creature.  Birth is miraculous.  But the entire birth process I had just experienced with my husband and this amazing nurse was INDESCRIBABLE.  I knew I could do hard things, but this experience helped me to truly believe it.  I knew that your thoughts and beliefs can have a huge impact on your life.  This experience showed me just how true that was.  Being present, trusting, knowing it is okay, and relaxing while life happens is so hard for me, but that is a lesson I learned throughout this process.  The body's ability to do something difficult when the mind is determined is absolutely incredible.  

I must have done a decent job remaining calm because the comments I heard afterwards shocked me a bit.  The doctor said she could not believe how calm I was right before giving birth.  She said if I had been in triage waiting to get checked at that point, she wouldn't have believed I was even in labor.  Strange because I was drenched with sweat by then.  Several of the staff from the nursery said they had never seen anything like that where the mother didn't scream or make any noise at all throughout the whole process.  I wasn't sure what to say.  Um...thanks?  I just did what she told me to do.  But I'll admit it was kind of cool that everyone was talking and whispering about the lady in room 4.  :)  I guess I'm tougher than I thought.

Welcome Caleb Roberto!  You are loved more than you will ever know!

Playing Catchup

I cannot believe I haven't posted in a year.  AN ENTIRE YEAR!!  It makes me want to cry...especially since I was using this blog as a journal/family history of sorts.  The fact that I haven't documented very well while Marissa was a young toddler is weighing on my mind as the arrival of our new little one approaches.  I'm just going to have to get over it and try to do better in the future.  Sometimes the raising of the children is more important than the documenting of such...but I really do hope to be able to do both simultaneously.  :)  I feel the need to at least throw some pictures and a couple words up so I can remember what we've done this past year in hopes that if/when I get around to making this blog into a book of some sort, I will have some memory of 2012-2013.  Basically, homeschooling and sensory learning, and church callings took priority over everything else this year.  And although all of those things will still be a big part of our lives in the future, I'm hoping that I'm a little more organized and able to stay on top of things that matter most to me.