I am overwhelmed with emotion as I think back over the past few days. I like to plan. I like knowing what is going to happen. And in general, it has been difficult for me to move forward with faith during stressful times. But I'm learning. As I reflect on the past several years, it amazes me just how much trials have prepared me for the future and the direction my life is supposed to take. I don't even like to admit that out loud, but it's true. As I reflect on my pregnancy, labor, and delivery with baby Caleb, that is what I see. God's plan is so much more perfect that we can even imagine. It takes so much faith and trust, which do not come natural to me, but it is simply amazing to see how well orchestrated his plans for his children are.
My pregnancy with Caleb was my most difficult by far. I had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with him, which was very difficult emotionally. To my surprise, finding faith to move forward and trusting that there was another child waiting to join our family after the miscarriage was very difficult for Marcos and I to come to terms with as a couple. But when we took a leap of faith together, it was very apparent that Caleb was supposed to join our family and that he had been waiting for that opportunity. The pregnancy was great until about month seven, when the previous back/hip problems I had had with Marissa began to surface. It was a very long 3rd trimester with a lot of aches and pains that I hadn't experienced in my previous pregnancies. By the time week 36 rolled around, I was counting down the days until Caleb's birth. A little bit before that, I learned that my midwife would be having knee surgery and would not be back until a few days before my due date. I felt the need to find another provider to see me so I would know the person who ended up delivering my baby. I didn't connect emotionally with the provider I ended up choosing, but she had come highly recommended so I decided all would be fine. It was...only not in the way that I originally thought.
A week before my official due date, I woke up and had some bleeding. It was Sunday and Marcos was at bishopric meeting. I had been told to go to the hospital if there was blood so I texted Marcos, called my mom to come get the kids, and packed a bag. We arrived around 10 a.m. at the hospital and my mom kept the kids outside while she waited to see if I would be admitted. As we walked up, Marcos said hi to one of the nurses. It turns out that he works with Stacie. Stacie's full time job is in labor and delivery at the hospital, but she works PRN for hospice. She became our nurse. I was dilated to a 4, but wasn't having many contractions so we decided to walk for awhile. When she checked me again, I was dilated to a 5. They were definitely admitting me. I'm not sure if it was the lavendar essential oil she could smell on my feet or just a look on my face, but she asked if I was considering having a natural birth. I actually had thought a lot about it, but never quite had the courage to address it fully or take a class or anything. I told her that I hadn't taken any classes or prepared in any way, but that I had considered it many times. She said that if I wanted to try, she was the person to help me through it. Marcos immediately started figetting and getting nervous just at the suggestion of a natural birth. I really appreciated Stacie helping him see his nervous reaction and put it in check. She said, "Marcos, you are way more nervous than Maria. You are going to need to relax if you want to be there for her and help make this happen." And he did. I'm not sure how, but he calmed himself quite a bit after that. I was admitted and ended up in the natural birthing room, Rm 4504, which had a big soaking tub. Awesome!
I was bummed when I learned that the "new" provider I had been seeing for the past few weeks was checked out for the weekend so I would have the OB who was on call. I couldn't believe it would still end up being a stranger who delivered my baby. We started walking laps again though and we saw her charting in the hall and eventually introduced ourselves. She was awesome! Just seeing and talking to her put my mind at ease. I knew she was meant to be the one who delivered this baby. It was just another tender mercy from the Lord. First Stacie was on shift and ended up being our nurse and now Dr. Houpe would be our doctor. It felt right and I felt very much at peace knowing the Lord had answered my prayers that everything would happen the way it was meant to happen. We did laps and chatted for quite awhile, which was fun. Marcos and I were joking and laughing and I'm sure everyone on the floor thought we were nuts...but it helped pass the time and relaxed me even more. Eventually Stacie hooked me up with some Pitocin since my contractions weren't coming very regularly. I was nervous for that part because Pitocin can make your contractions come on so strong all of a sudden, but she started me with a low-level and gradually increased it so my contractions were steady and getting progressively stronger. I'm so glad she knew what she was doing. She told me towards the beginning to focus on her and to trust her and she would help me through it. That is exactly what I did.
Stacie got out an exercise ball for me to sit on to help with the pain and pressure of the contractions. It did help quite a bit. At this point, I think we had decided to stay in the room. Marcos turned on the TV I'm sure with every intention of finding something sports or news related to watch. When he turned it on, the first channel that came on had nature scenes and relaxing music playing. I thanked him and told him that I really thought that the pictures and music would help keep me calm and focused. So here's the thing. Nurturing comes more easily to some people than to others. And men in general don't always get it. They may need a bit more than a vibe to know what you need or expect of them. For me, this experience helped me recognize the give and take that are required, and the need to find middle ground. Sometimes I find myself ignoring things that are bothering me instead of addressing them until it is to the point I want to scream about some little thing that happened. Marcos and I have been married 14 years. You learn a lot of give and take in that period of time. You learn to compromise and negotiate. But I have to say, this was definitely a reminder to me about how important it is to communicate well and to make sure your needs are known and heard. And there is a good way and a not so good way to do that. This time, I was able to find a good way to do it. Anyway, we watched the nature channel to help me focus and take my mind off the monotony of labor, and we saved Fox News and soccer for the recovery room. It worked for both of us.
When Stacie came back in to check on us, she mentioned I could get in the tub if I wanted. I told her I would like to do that. I am SO glad I did! The hot water took the edge off of the contractions. I sat in the soaking tub and listened to Marcos and Stacie talk a little bit about work and added a comment here and there. In general, it was just nice to take the focus off of the pain while I tried to breathe through the contractions and remain calm and focused. Stacie had one other patient so she was in and out of the room during this time. Marcos had picked up a magazine and started reading it. Again, I realized the importance of communicating my needs to him. I just said, "Can you just put the magazine away and sit with me?" I told him to just talk or tell me a story, but you know how when you ask someone to talk, they automatically cannot think of one thing to talk about. So we sat in silence for a bit and he just held my hand. I stayed in the tub until I was dilated to an 8. At that point, Stacie told me I should probably stay on the bed in case I transitioned quickly.
I remember my stomach dropping all of a sudden and thinking, "Oh my heck. This is really happening. There's no turning back now." And I remember telling Stacie, "I'm really starting to get nervous." I'm pretty sure that at that point I had something between the look of sheer terror and a deer caught in the headlights going for me. I later learned from a friend who has had all her children without medicine that the "look" happens every time during the transition phase. Good to know I wasn't completely crazy! Stacie told me it was okay to be nervous for a minute but then I needed to pull myself back together so I could relax and focus again. So that's what I tried to do. The contractions got much harder. At one point Stacie turned to me and said, "It's okay. This is as hard as they will get. They just need to get closer together until you can push and then we will meet your baby." As the contractions started, she would count, "Breathe in, 2, 3. Breathe out, 2, 3." It was so hard to be calm and relaxed with such intense contractions, but I did my best. I remember feeling my eyebrows furl or my jaw clench and hearing her say, "No, relax your face. Breathe in, 2, 3. Breath out, 2, 3." So hard to do. To keep everything relaxed instead of tensing up with the pain. But I did it. At one point, the contractions weren't coming any closer together so she had to turn up the Pitocin. She turned the machine away from me so I couldn't see what she had done. It made me laugh a little. It's true. I could handle it, but my mind was playing games with me. The idea of more Pitocin scared me so she didn't want me to know how much she gave me. But she knew I needed it so I wouldn't wear myself out completely with the labor and then not be able to push when it was time. So I trusted her. It got to the point that when a contraction would start if Stacie didn't know, I would just quickly blurt out, "I need you to count" so she would know the contraction was starting and I needed her to be the one there to listen to and keep me focused on my breathing and not on the pain. When I was finally dilated to a 10 they told me it was okay to push when I felt ready so with the next contraction I pushed. It was intense! It burned...A LOT! But it was awesome. I know that seems strange, but it was.
On August 18, 2013 at 5:54 p.m. Caleb Roberto Uboldi was born. He weighed 9 lbs 1 oz and was 21 inches long. He had a ton of hair, which was a shocker considering our other three children had been completely bald. He looked blue because his face was bruised. The cord had been wrapped around his neck. He had long fingers and toes. I remember thinking this kid could probably scale a tree with no problem with those long toes. He was BEAUTIFUL! He was absolutely PERFECT!! I was EXHAUSTED! But it was such a peaceful moment. I sat there breathing with my eyes closed for a few moments more. I could not believe what I had just experienced. A new baby is a perfect, pure, innocent creature. Birth is miraculous. But the entire birth process I had just experienced with my husband and this amazing nurse was INDESCRIBABLE. I knew I could do hard things, but this experience helped me to truly believe it. I knew that your thoughts and beliefs can have a huge impact on your life. This experience showed me just how true that was. Being present, trusting, knowing it is okay, and relaxing while life happens is so hard for me, but that is a lesson I learned throughout this process. The body's ability to do something difficult when the mind is determined is absolutely incredible.
I must have done a decent job remaining calm because the comments I heard afterwards shocked me a bit. The doctor said she could not believe how calm I was right before giving birth. She said if I had been in triage waiting to get checked at that point, she wouldn't have believed I was even in labor. Strange because I was drenched with sweat by then. Several of the staff from the nursery said they had never seen anything like that where the mother didn't scream or make any noise at all throughout the whole process. I wasn't sure what to say. Um...thanks? I just did what she told me to do. But I'll admit it was kind of cool that everyone was talking and whispering about the lady in room 4. :) I guess I'm tougher than I thought.
Welcome Caleb Roberto! You are loved more than you will ever know!
