“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Timothy J. Keller
I love quirks. You know what I mean? Those little nuances that make individuals unique. I love them! Some are annoying, but I feel like they are what bond us to others. It's what makes us feel known and still loved by those closest to us.
I remember the first time I watched Marcos get ready for a soccer game after we had been married. I'd watched him play many times, but I'd never been privy to the pre-game process. Oh my goodness! I simply stared at him wide-eyed in disbelief. After all, Marcos is a pretty chill dude. What in the world was he doing? He tucked his shirt into his soccer shorts, untucked it a little, tucked it back in a little more, untucked it on the side... I'm not kidding. This was a LONG process!! I thought we were done with the "ritual" when he put on his shin guards, sleeves and soccer socks. Holy crap! The fold at the top of the socks had to be just so. He pulled them up and folded them over a million times. I kid you not!! I get it. With sports there are often superstitions and nervous habits that then become part of the routine. I'm pretty sure that was the case with Marcos. But it was like being in a different world. Who in the world did I marry? Was he going to be this nervous and precise about EVERYTHING? I didn't comment. I just observed. As a sports-loving girl myself, I could NOT relate to this level of intensity. Sure I got butterflies and would jump up and down a couple times to get my game face on, but I could be ready for a sporting event in two minutes flat, including double knots in the shoes and the retrieval of the water bottle.
Our love was still young and flirtatious and I used my new ammunition to taunt and tease him just enough to keep things fun. But his OCD sports ritual was eye-opening to say the least.
Then there were the little annoying habits everyone talks about in marriage. Marcos will use a different bathroom rather than change the toilet paper roll. His habits in the empty toilet paper roll department have improved some, but he did not change a toilet paper roll for YEARS. We have a little cup/dish that we keep stocked with q-tips. He will choose not to use q-tips for weeks at a time rather than refill that little cup. I used to tease him that we had a toilet paper and q-tip fairy that would go around refilling everything in our home. For us, it was never the source of an argument, but certainly we had some laughs and moments of annoyance in this department. Over time, those quirky behaviors have become endearing. It's strange but true.
Last weekend, we did some deep cleaning around the house. Marcos cleaned bathrooms while I was working on the kitchen with Dylan. When I went back upstairs, I found THIS in my bathroom. I couldn't help but smile.
On a scale of 1-10, bathroom decor rates a whopping NEGATIVE 50 for Marcos. As long as he has the basics, he couldn't care less about the rest. I get it. He doesn't notice what the decorations say. He doesn't need fancy towels. But this habit of rearranging the bathroom decorations every time he helped out would bother me a little. Nothing major. More like "Can you please pay attention to what I told you last time?" kind of way. It definitely wasn't a huge deal, but I would mention it. "Hey, you know the candles in the bathroom? They are supposed to say 'Live. Laugh. LOVE.' not 'Live. Love. Laugh.' I switched them back, but in case you didn't know the order I thought I would mention it. Will you try to put them back in the right order next time?"
Yes! The order of the candles has been a point of discussion many times. So...I was shocked to find myself smiling as I looked at the candles once again rearranged "INCORRECTLY." My internal dialog went something like this. "There is NO way Marcos is arranging things differently on purpose. Nope! He is actually trying to be helpful. Somehow in his mind they are supposed to read 'Live. Love. Laugh.' It's as simple as that. Perhaps in his own subtle way, he's sending me a message. Maybe subconsciously he knows I need more of a reminder to laugh than to love most of the time, something that is surprisingly easy for him, but can be a challenge for me when life gets rough. Yep! Maybe I need a reminder to LAUGH more often." So...I left them. I decided there must be a good reason for the reorganization. And now every time I step out of the shower, I think about the man I love and the quirks that make him unique. The simple yet profound things that make me love him more every day.
This past month has been really rough for me. Really really rough! I hesitate to use extreme words, but breakdown would probably be a fairly accurate description. As I worked to try to figure out why life seemed to be collapsing all around me, Marcos stood by my side as a loving and supportive companion. He took the kids so I could rest. He sent me on a mental health trip for a long weekend to hike and bike and wander around in nature (something that truly makes my heart sing). And he loved me. When I wasn't cute or fun or lovable, he loved me. When I crossed the line of being sane, he loved me. He may have been quaking with fear inside, but he stood strong. Strong, steady and immovable during a storm of immense proportions. Few people will likely understand the immensity of those statements. But for me, they are a sign of the truest love. A sign of deep and lasting love.
When it comes to fatherhood, Marcos is incredible! As I walked from the bathroom into our bedroom, I glanced up at his nightstand. The man is simplicity at its finest. He does not keep random things around. He hates things. He detests clutter. But he knows how much it means to our little ones to see gifts they give him being treasured. So he keeps a few sentimental things lying around to show them he cares. Below is a picture of the lamp on his nightstand. A butterfly necklace from Marissa draped around his lampshade and a Halloween toy Caleb gifted to him that he tucked in snuggly next to the butterfly. Weird? Yes. Distracting? For sure. But one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Truly.
In the midst of my "rough" month, I did very little shopping or cooking. So...we took the kids out to eat last weekend after we had the house back in working order. It was a busy night and the restaurant was super crowded and chaotic. In the middle of our dinner, a little girl at a table next to ours pushed on the handle of a door that is an emergency exit. A loud, obnoxious alarm went off and added to the already chaotic ambiance. I heard a man from a neighboring table whisper, "I'm glad it wasn't my kid!" I have to admit, I was thinking the same thing. If you know our rambunctious group, it totally could have been...at this snapshot in our lives most likely originating from the bouncy bubbly four-year-old, Caleb. As a mother who has been chasing kids for over 13 years, the idea that we hadn't set off the alarm was a HUGE relief. I felt so bad for the little girl who set off the alarm and also for her parents. You could tell they were totally embarrassed.
After a couple minutes of loud, obnoxious alarm-sounding, an employee with a key came to the rescue. As the young man approached, Marcos started talking. For a minute, I was tempted to kick him under the table with a subtle message from the spouse of "Please do not make this worse with your comments and teasing!" But I didn't. I just sat there as a silent witness of a moment I will likely remember forever. Marcos began with all the charm he could muster, "I'm sorry, Sir! I didn't mean to set off the alarm. I really didn't. I promise I won't do it again." The teen employee smiled, laughed it off and told him it was okay. We all laughed a little, breathed a sigh of relief and returned to our dinner.
A few minutes later, the mother of the little girl collected her children and belongings to head out the door. She stopped by our table and leaned over to Marcos and said, "I cannot thank you enough for your kindness. That was so thoughtful of you! My daughter was so embarrassed that she set off the alarm. It's her birthday today! She was trying to help me take gifts out to the car and chose the closest door. Your act of kindness mean so much to me! Thank you for taking an extremely awkward situation and making it better for her."
OH MY HEART!!! The emotion was intense. I could relate to this woman on so many levels. And my husband - MY SWEET THOUGHTFUL MARCOS - had used his friendly, outgoing personality to completely diffuse a situation that was already extremely embarrassing for this little girl and her parents.
I sat there just staring at him after they left. He was clueless. At some point he said, "Why are you looking at me with googly eyes? You're making me nervous!" I just laughed and teased him back a little. "What? I can look at you however I want!" Later that night, we talked about the situation. I told him how much it meant to me to watch him be so kind and thoughtful like that. It's the part I most adore about the man of my dreams. Truly!
As the day of Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself reflecting on the intense gratitude I feel for Marcos, a spouse who loves and adores me, my children and every person he meets.
