Preston Santiago

Today is Preston's 13th birthday.

In the midst of a world in chaos, I find myself reflecting on the past 13 years.

From his surprise arrival 4+ weeks early, life with my calm and quiet child has created a whirlwind of events in our life.  Premature, NICU, numerous specialist appointments the first year of life...  A few years later, the storm of fear and insecurity resurfaced as testing through the health department, education department and other specialists found us in special ed preschool, chasing an IEP, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and finally brain therapy programs  (not covered by insurance) to help one very special child learn to thrive in a world seemingly built for someone else.

Multiple times throughout his short life, I have experienced a cycle that seems to repeat itself.  Fear, the grief cycle (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), and eventually stilling my anxiety enough to HEAR and FOLLOW Divine guidance.  Every single time.  As a newborn.  As a toddler.  As a preschooler.  As a young elementary child.  Older elementary.  Every. Single. Time.

As I reflect on the past, I almost don't believe we lived all those moments in such a short period of time.  Every time we found ourselves facing a new problem or diagnosis, fear emerged and the storm of uncertainty raged.  Until eventually it settled again.

We were ALWAYS guided to what we needed for our son.  He is AMAZING!  We are blessed!  The brain is freaking amazing and I have fallen in love with neuroscience and brain plasticity as a result of many incredible experiences I have had with my children.  But before solutions presented themselves - before the blessings - came uncertainty.  And fear.

As I watch the chaos of the world unfold before me - both real and imagined - I am reminded of my own life.  Learning to settle myself down and trust a Power greater than me has been a long process.  I'm not there yet, but I've had a LOT of practice calming down, letting go of certainty and control and learning to trust.

Life as Preston's mother has not been at all what I imagined.  It's been so much GREATER.  So much RICHER.  So much more BEAUTIFUL.  It's been filled with learning, growth and tender mercies from the Lord.

As I ponder the gift of being Preston's mother, I am reminded to slow down and breathe.  God has worked more miracles in his short life than I can possibly write in one blog post.  He has sustained us from day to day and brought answers and solutions IN THE VERY MOMENT we needed them.  We were given a gift to follow a path less traveled, a dirt road with nothing but an old school map and compass that we scarcely knew how to read.  And yet here we are with an incredible teenage boy full of love, life, compassion and curiosity.

As the entire world is forced to pause, I feel grateful.  Grateful for time to reflect.  Grateful for blessings and knowledge and another chance to slow down, calm myself, listen and trust.

Today we joined the nation in prayer.

We worshipped in our home.

And now we are celebrating the birth of a truly remarkable kid.  A kid who loves Lego's, Ninjago, Star Wars and Toy Story.  A turtle in a world of hares who ends up winning more races than anyone could have predicted with his slow and steady pace in life.  A gentle giant with a childlike innocence I hope never fades.  I love you, Preston Santiago!