My Little Awakening

The year 2007 has been an interesting one for me...difficult experiences and lots of emotions. The early spring months were particularly challenging (right about the time I had Preston-horrible timing). So a strange thing happened to me today. I was looking back at some pictures from about a year ago, holiday pictures with my ever-expanding Preston bump. I don't even know how to describe what happened. I have heard something similar described on who knows which "feel good" talk show (Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc.) Anyway, they describe the way women see themselves and how cruel and damaging the self talk we use is to each of us. The "I'm fat, stupid, ugly..." comments that even the most diligent of women tells herself. The things I have seen say something about how we need to be nice - be a friend to ourselves. The things we tell ourselves are usually things we wouldn't tell our worst enemy. So here I am looking at these pictures from a year ago and I had the weirdest sensation. I guess the only way I know how to describe it is compassion for myself. I saw the hard-working, tired, pregnant girl who was raising a difficult 2 1/2 year old, tending 2-3 days a week, working evenings to try to save some money...doing everything she could do with a smile. A girl completely unaware that she was about to be hit on the back of the head with a baseball bat so to speak. The girl who would soon feel like her entire world was crumbling under her. I just wanted to reach out and give myself a hug - to kind of warn myself of things to come so I could prepare a little bit. I wanted to tell myself positive things and boost myself up so I would be ready to withstand it all. It was quite an amazing little moment. I didn't think any of the "you deserve a crappy life because somehow you're not good enough". Nope, I just thought that here is a person I would want as a friend. Someone who really was trying to be the best person she could be. I wish I could say I'm over the "I'm so fat" moments forever, but I'm sure I'm not. In fact, I'm not sure what it means. Is this the first step in my own maturity? I don't know, but it really is cool. I think we all need to love ourselves more and not be so hard on ourselves (or others). Most people really are giving it their all and you rarely know what's going on in someone else's world so it's best to give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, for now I've had a little awakening. I really do like myself. Wow, I said it. I really do. Not in an arrogant way, but in a "she's pretty cool" way. Now I just need to figure out how to continue to love myself for the little things I do. I don't know if it was a spiritual moment or just a mature moment, but I kind of did feel like I could see myself through the Lord's eyes (maybe through really big fuzzy glasses, but still through His eyes). Now if only I can continue to see myself this way. I'm afraid one of Satan's greatest tools is convincing women that we are less valuable than we really are. Women are the heart of the world and when we don't care for ourselves the way we should, the world suffers. Sorry to sound so preachy but I had to share. Nuff said!