Spiritual Ramblings

I started a blog to record my journal entries. I used to be an awesome, detailed journal type and have been horrible at journal writing pretty much since I got married (minus a few good attempts to get back into it). I decided the biggest reason was because of the time it takes to write my thoughts down. My thoughts RACE and my fingers do not and it's like I forget what I'm talking about before I can get the sentence down on paper. So my answer was to have a personal private blog to just record those thoughts down onto and then I could print it out for my records or whatever. Well, good intentions sometimes do not come to fruition. I haven't been the best about that either, but am trying to record the more important moments that I don't want to forget. You know the thoughts you don't quite dare share with the world on your regular blog, but you know you will want to reflect upon later. So that's what I'm doing. Things have been tough. Not super tough I really can't handle this, but a lot of little overwhelming things all at once that really seem to be adding up, plus some potentially big changes that are being contemplated (a few of them, but nothing too real or serious yet so I'll leave ya'll hangin' until there's real news to talk about)...oh yeah and the emotions of a pregnancy of 35 weeks. The one good thing is that moments like these seem to bring me into focus a little bit more. And right now I just have more of a desire to learn and study and ponder (everything really, but the scriptures in particular). Anyway, today I had a pretty decent scripture study session and decided I should record the experience in my "online journal." No lightning bolts or anything like that (oh how I would love a lightning bolt right about now!), just a good relatable scripture study moment...so I decided I would share it here. Not word for word, but the basic experience. I figured maybe someone else might find my moment useful as well. Who knows? Here's part of what I wrote.

During my studying tonight I was browsing the Topical Guide. I can't remember what the topic was now. It may have been teaching by the Spirit. I was all over the place in that Topical Guide. Anyway, my reading took me to Psalms 25. Yikes, Old Testament! My spiritual Achilles' heel. I read the couple of verses that I had originally sought out and loved them. So I read the entire chapter. It was amazing! I don't know if it was what I needed tonight or if it's one of those great chapters that just always gets you when you read it, but it really moved me. For one thing, I love the language. It's so beautiful and poetic. Sometimes I wish we still spoke as eloquently as they did back in the "olden days." I also loved how well I could relate to David's pleadings with the Lord while simultaneously trusting Him and appreciating the tender mercies that the Lord bestows. It's like I wrote the majority of the chapter from my heart. I want to write the whole thing down so I don't miss a word, but here are some of the highlights. It starts out:

1 Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

...

4 Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.

5 Lead me in thy truth and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day,

6 Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.

...

16 Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.

...

I don't even know how to put my words into this post (journal entry?) All I know is that this chapter is exactly how I feel right now. It's as if these words came from my personal prayer tonight. Lord, I'm pouring out my soul to thee. I trust in thee. Please show me the way. Teach me what I should do. Remember thy tender mercies. Please help and bring me the answers I seek because I am really struggling here, Lord. Amen!