Love, Sisterhood, Memories and Heartache

Lisa and I have been best friends since we were 15 years old.  We moved into the same neighborhood within a few months of each other and became friends almost instantly.  We were both rule followers, list makers and the oldest child in our families, but she was brave, spontaneous and optimistic while I was a bit more practical, sensitive and empathetic.  We became an unstoppable team, practically inseparable for a good six years of our teen and young adult years.  I’m pretty sure a good portion of those we associated with can’t tell you which one of us is which.  We were simply “Lisa and Maria” or “Maria and Lisa,” depending on who you talked to.  That friendship was one of the greatest gifts of my youth!  It was through my fun, spontaneous friend that my adventure as a college sorority girl began. 

Lisa and I are only 10 days apart, but ended up in separate grades because the deadline for grade level falls right in between our birthdays.  She likes to tease me that I’ve always been older and wiser.  Pa-lease!!  Thankfully we ended up both attending Weber State University so we didn’t have to be apart in school for more than a short period of time.  

It was autumn and a new school year was upon us.  Oh how I love that time of year!  Lisa had attended leadership camp in the summer while I was in Lake Powell with family, but was so excited about the people she had met.  She was especially excited about Greek life at WSU and asked if I wanted to rush with her.  Huh?  I didn’t even know what that meant.  Of course I said yes.  I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for a new adventure so we set out to learn all about sorority life.  The sororities at WSU were all local sororities, and one in particular stuck out to us.  We were immediately drawn to the girls of LaDianaeda (LD) and felt a strong connection to the sisterhood there.  Every sorority is a little bit different and each sorority changes slightly over time as new members join and old members graduate or get married.  The sisters in our sorority were seriously awesome!  They were classy, intelligent, goal-oriented, compassionate, competitive and slightly mischievous!  It was the perfect combination of characteristics I wanted to continue to develop.  Oh how I love those girls!  Plus, I’m a total cheeseball.  I love bonding and Kum-ba-yah campfire moments so joining a sisterhood was AMAZING for me!  When all was said and done, we received an invitation to pledge LaDianaeda and accepted with our signature.  A grand adventure had ensued.  

Kristen was a member of our pledge class.  She was excited and enthusiastic about EVERYTHING!  Greek life was a blast to her!  She loved the sisterhood, the activities and getting to know all sorts of fraternity boys.  Yep, there were definitely some perks to Greek life!  Kristen was also blessed to have an older sister, Melissa, who was currently serving as an officer in the sorority.  How freaking cool is that?  Um, yeah…we were all a little awe struck.  

I was an active member of LaDianaeda for a year and a half until my time in the sorority came to a close when a boy I attempted to avoid for over a year swept me off my feet and eventually proposed.  At my candle pass, the new president read a letter written by Marcos about why he deserved to take one of their sisters from the sisterhood, professing his undying love for me and promising to love and cherish me always.  Yep!  I’m also a hopeless romantic.  My ring was tied with ribbon on a candle and the candle was passed around the circle from girl to girl as the letter was read.  I did my best to hold back tears and try not to give it away too soon.  When the candle came back to me, I blew out the candle and everyone knew I had gotten engaged.  I loved that I got to share such a special moment with so many girls that I knew and loved.  I dragged several of my sorority sisters with me to try on wedding dresses and sang and danced the night away with them at my wedding reception.  A new stage of life had begun.  It was bitter-sweet, but I knew the closeness I felt to my sisters would remain in my heart forever.  

Thanks to social media, I’ve been able to reconnect with many of my sorority sisters and catch up on their current lives a little bit.  A couple of years ago, Kristen was diagnosed with brain cancer.  She has undergone several rounds of chemo and has been a trouper throughout.  I sat in awe of her strength and courage as she and her husband took their young family to Disneyland and many other adventures when she was able.  She continued to be optimistic despite many less-than-ideal results from her cancer treatment.  

I recently learned Kristen had been placed on hospice.  My heart sank as I thought of my friend and her sweet little family.  What a heavy burden to bear.  Within a few days, one of our sorority sisters was discussing the possibility of visiting Kristen.  She set to work arranging details, another sister gathered pictures to put together a book for Kristen from our "glory days," and another one set up a “Go Fund Me” page so we could gather donations and help relieve some of the financial stress the family is experiencing.  It was amazing how everyone came together to make it all happen in a matter of days!  Sisters living out of town expressed their love and asked about donating.  The love and friendship was incredible!  

On Monday evening, a few of us gathered together to visit Kristen.  I was a ball of nerves!  My husband is AMAZING in situations like this.  I tend to lean on him and follow his lead when dealing with illness or death.  I feel powerless and worry about saying or doing the wrong thing.  Perhaps no one feels comfortable in such situations.  It’s difficult to watch suffering.  But I felt strongly that I needed to be there and I felt a strange wave of support guiding me through the moment. 

When we got to her room, Kristen was sleeping.  She stirred a little bit as her parents told her some of her “Swabbie” sisters had come to visit.  We told her our names and as I reached out to tell her who I was, she grabbed onto my hand.  My heart burst with love and compassion as I took her hand in mine and sat in a chair next to her.  We talked for a few minutes about how she was feeling, how her children were doing and commented on her darling “minky” blanket.  But deep down I could sense that’s not what she needed most.  She needed to know she was loved by a HUGE group of women – a sisterhood that spans decades – by women who knew her personally and others who only knew of her, but who proudly call her sister.  And she needed a break, a break from her pain and suffering and thoughts of the present and the future.  She needed a blast from the past…and we were able to provide that.  We talked about all sorts of memories from our days in sorority and reminisced for hours.  We laughed and were light-hearted as we shared memories together.  Kristen hadn’t eaten for days, but was craving her favorite Chick-Fil-A meal (number 2 combo – no pickles, no cheese, no tomato – with Chick-Fil-A sauce and delicious lemonade).  When we realized her craving was not going away, two of the girls hopped in the car and headed to Chick-Fil-A while two of us stayed to visit with her.  I started flipping through the pictures from the book we had made and pointing her out and commenting about each event, making the memories even more vivid in our minds.  It was strange to me to realize how natural it was to talk with an old friend, despite the extreme conditions. 

The girls got back with her favorite food and we were shocked as we watched her eat several bites of her sandwich and sip lemonade the rest of the visit.  I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed anyone enjoy a meal more than I did that day!  By the end, she didn’t feel great and was extremely tired.  We stayed much longer than I thought we would, but as we looked over at her mother to check in every so often, she told us we should stay.  She assured us the visit was good for Kristen, and that she looked better than she had in weeks.  I could tell Kristen was happy and that's all that mattered to me in that moment.  So we stayed until it was obvious she needed to rest.  As we left, we hugged her and told her we loved her.  Then we went to the parking lot and cried and reminisced a bit more.  We all agreed it had been a healing visit for each of us as well.  

Today I learned that Kristen passed away.  My heart broke for her family as tears streamed down my face.  I immediately felt gratitude for the experience of visiting with Kristen before she passed on.  I think back to my initial nervousness as I wondered what to do or say.  Instead I feel a deep reverence to have had the opportunity to be a part of such a beautiful moment. 

A dear friend of mine recently shared some thoughts about the importance of suffering with others that I would like to share.  It is a very special moment when someone trusts you enough to tell you about their broken marriage, a wayward child, the trauma of a childhood experience, chronic illness, the death of a loved one or any number of other fears, pain or suffering.  At that moment you enter a very sacred space, a place that forever bonds you to the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  As you witness and help another during their suffering, you feel the love and support of the Savior in a way that is difficult to describe.  I felt that reality with all my heart and soul this week.  The love and compassion I felt for Kristen was beyond my own.  I was buoyed up not only by an incredible sisterhood of love, but by the love of our Savior and Redeemer.  I was given strength and support every step of the way so I could better comfort a friend in need.  Christ knew Kristen’s pain and he also knew I was scared. He strengthened me so that I could be part of a sacred moment to bring comfort and joy and momentary relief to a dear friend during her suffering.  

How grateful I am to have a knowledge of the great plan of happiness, a knowledge that gives me surety that Kristen’s spirit lives on today and that she will one day be reunited again with those she loves.  I sit quietly and reflect on the life of my friend, Kristen, and those she left behind.  Despite my sadness and tears, my heart is full of love, gratitude and joy as I ponder the comforting words of scripture:

“He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces…” (Isaiah 25:8).