Friday, June 26, 2009

7- Fall Semester

Fall Semester was awesome, but totally hard. It was my last semester of classes and I was trying to write a thesis. Between my full class load, working on campus and dating Marcos, I ended up waiting an extra semester to graduate so I could save the thesis until I had a little more time. I love the fall and this one was totally magical, although not without its dating quirks. I'm going to see if I can paraphrase the major events of the semester. We went out a lot - my friends and I planned way fun, creative group dates and Marcos invited me out to pretty predictable places, but it didn't matter. I could've enjoyed watching rocks with this kid. I just wanted to spend time with him. I was falling for him hard, but I was totally afraid of marriage, commitment and getting hurt. I've got issues I know. So even though we were quite a cute couple, when people mentioned it, I tended to get defensive. I still have no idea why Marcos tolerated my nuttiness for so long.

- DTR (defining the relationship) - right after Homecoming Marcos said he needed to talk to me. I was freaking out a bit. Why are we having this talk already? He told me he had a date with someone else the next weekend and that he wanted to make sure I knew that so we didn't have any secrets. It was fine for us to date other people. Um, okay. I couldn't picture wanting to at this point, but it was good to know that's where we were. Not boyfriend/girlfriend in his book yet.

- Sadie Hawkins - this was a dance at the Institute that a bunch of friends decided to go to. It was a luau so we turned the date into a vacation theme. We made passports and visited different countries before the dance, at the dance and after. We had so much fun. The important part of this date happened in the parking lot waiting for the rest of our group to join us. We were taking advantage of some alone time to be close, make-out and talk. Marcos knew how crazy I was so he was always careful how he worded things. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Your future husband is really lucky to have you. You're an awesome girl!" Man, melt my heart. He was the sweetest thing ever and I was so afraid. This is probably the first time that I really thought I loved the kid. I didn't tell him of course, but I felt it for sure.

- Halloween - Lisa's family did a big Halloween family night activity every year that we decided to go to. I was so excited. Marcos isn't a big fan of Halloween so he didn't dress up, but I got over the Scruge in him. A few minutes into the party, I could tell something was wrong. The poor kid was so sick. It obviously wasn't the most fun date, but it gave me a chance to nurture him a little, which I know showed him how much I cared about him.

- Young Adult Activities - We had the coolest young adult advisor in our ward. We loved her and her family so much. They even let us hang out at their house after a dance one time. They were so cool! She and Marcos had served in the same mission and had a lot to talk about. She let me know how great she thought he was and I had to agree. I couldn't believe all these people were giving me the thumbs up already. This was so real.

- Double Date - One night Lisa and I doubled with some kid that also lived in Centerville. We hung out at his house after the date and played games. I don't know what it was, but Marcos was in a crazy mood. I blame the full moon in October, but who knows for sure. He decided he was going to give me a hickey and nothing I could say or do could dissuade him from that. Let me explain this right. This was the furthest thing from a heated moment of passion. This was an annoying date who wouldn't leave me alone. He just wanted to bug me. Sure enough, he got me good. This was definitely a first for me and pretty devastating. Now I had to try to hide something that really had been nothing. Blah! I put on my turtle neck, but my mom saw it anyway and asked me what had happened. You have to know my mom, but she is the most understanding, open person ever. I could tell her anything. I explained the whole story and didn't leave anything out. There wasn't much to tell except that Marcos was a dead man - I was going to get him somehow. I could see her mind working. She decided to call him up. He lived at his friend's parents' house. They had a room in the basement that he rented from them. Marcos wasn't home so my mom proceeded to tell Cathy, his friend's mom, the situation. She told Cathy to have Marcos call her when he got home. I couldn't stop giggling inside. Marcos was going to going to die when he got the message. When Marcos called back, you could tell he was nervous. My mom played along brilliantly. "Marilee, I am so sorry. I have to apologize for giving your daughter a hickey. Let me explain..." My mom held back her own laughter while she questioned his motives. She totally gave him the third degree. Do you respect my daughter? How do I know that? I can't remember what all she said, but it was brutal. Finally she caved. Cathy was laughing in the background and my mom burst out in laughter as well. It may be the only time he felt a bit of my early embarrassment and it was about time. I knew he wouldn't be leaving me with any more fake love bites any time soon. :)

- Thanksgiving - The day before Thanksgiving we went out with a group. Apparently our affection for each other was pretty obvious because somebody said something like "So when's the ring coming?" Poor Marcos probably would've loved to have talked about the future at this point, but like I said, I was a little bit nervous. Paranoid. I only wanted to do the marriage thing once - I'd been through too many crazy marriages to not be cautious with my own. Plus I had plans and they didn't include getting married at 20. After we dropped off the other people, Marcos drove me to my grandma's house where I was staying that night. We were having Thanksgiving with my dad and Suzanne the next day and that way we were closer. My sister, Angie, was in the basement waiting for me. Somehow this I'm afraid of marriage talk struck a cord with Marcos. I told him we had time and we didn't have to talk about it. The only thing that mattered was that we liked each other and that obviously we wouldn't still be dating if we didn't see a potential future together. He got so defensive and told me he had never thought about marriage and was just having fun and all this crazy talk. What the crap? I said, "So we've been dating all this time and you're saying you've never thought that I might be a good wife or the type of person you could see yourself with? Why are we dating then? You're supposed to date people that are at least potential mates for you. So I'm not really marriage material? What are we doing then?" I'm not sure what happened, but it was horrible. My fear of commitment had apparently made him afraid to even talk about a future with me, which made me feel completely used. Was I just a fun date or what? I went in the house completely devastated. My sister asked how the date had gone and I sadly replied, "I think we just broke up."

Thanksgiving basically sucked. I couldn't think about anything but Marcos and what had been said. I didn't think that was how he really felt, but then I was afraid maybe it was. What if he was just been a stupid boy who used me this whole time and I had allowed myself to fall for him anyway. Stupid vulnerable me! With the help of my darling sister and the advice of my friend, Lisa, I decided to humble myself this once and take him a card. I left the card and some hugs and kisses (you know the chocolate ones) at his door with a long explanation and apology on my part. He called me later, thanked me and that was that. We never really talked about it again. It was one of those "something's trying to pull us apart" type of things and we didn't want to revisit the source of the problem. To this day when I talk about this night, it still makes Marcos sad. He can't believe we were that close to losing each other for good.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Good thing you didn't loose each other for good! And now it's been 10 years. I can not believe it. Seriously. I love reading this because even though I was there, it's not like I was in the middle of your dating and courtship! I had forgotten a lot of these details, and I just LOVE the story of the hickey and your mom giving "Marcos the Barcos" the third degree!