9- Accepting My Fate

In January, I moved in with my great grandma in SLC. She wasn't doing very well and my grandparents had been up from St. George living with her for quite awhile. I didn't have any classes left - I just had to write my thesis - so I agreed to stay with her while I finished my paper. Little did I know what an adventure these next few months were really going to be. I love my great grandma so much. For her time and age, she was definitely a feisty, independent woman. She was loving and caring and very funny. I had so much respect for her. She also had been through so much - she had lost three of her four children, her sister, and many other close relatives. I grew up close to her, but this gave me real perspective on her life and on enduring to the end. It was good for me, but not easy. She forgot so much - where she was, who I was, who had died, all sorts of things - so a lot of my time was spent reassuring her and reminding her what was going on. There are also a lot of hard things that come with getting old and I gained some real perspective on what it meant to take care of an aging person.

Marcos came home and added to what I called "a crazy, rapidly-changing life" in my journal. I picked him up from the airport on January 8 and told him I loved him for the first time that day. We also agreed to fast and pray about our future together and talk about it a little later. I could tell things were different pretty quickly. Marcos' mom and sisters called me on the phone, his family arranged for tickets for us to go see them in Florida later that spring, and I met several of his family members that lived close by or were visiting. It was a lot to take in at once. I finally had to let go of all my reservations and be okay with what was happening. Prayer helped too. It seemed like the more I prayed, the more at ease I felt, which was a good sign to me. And the more Marcos and I experienced together, the closer we became.

Marcos didn't have a car so the poor kid would either take the bus after school from Weber State to South Salt Lake or he'd ride the bus home and then borrow his brother's old jeep (I think it was actually my sister-in-law, Amy's, jeep). Any man who would ride a bus for two hours to come see me and who could love me while I stressed about writing a thesis, taking care of my 91-year-old great grandma and planning a wedding was definitely a keeper.

During this crazy time, my mom helped me out a lot. I couldn't leave grandma for very long so she would often come and stay with her on the weekends so I could go out with Marcos. It was a really difficult, but wonderful time. Looking back and reading my journal, I don't know how I was able to get through so much simultaneously. I know the Lord was truly looking over me. I woke up with a high fever one day and knew there was no way I could take care of grandma like that. It was like taking care of a really stubborn toddler - lots of spills, messes, accidents and hiding things - and I could barely move. I called my aunt, who lived down the street, and asked her to find someone from the ward to give me a blessing. I had never met either of these men before, but they gave me a blessing that still amazes me. They blessed me to "get better, have physical and mental strength, be able to take care of grandma, grow spiritually, give service and to be able to make decisions as these big decisions are placed before me." Wow!

Marcos and I shared many moments and soon began talking marriage. My mom gave me what remains one of the best pieces of advice I ever received. She reminded me that so many couples get caught up in planning the wedding that they forget to focus on the marriage. We took that to heart. We tried to focus on our relationship a lot. We didn't know what we wanted for a wedding, but we knew we were probably going to be getting married fairly soon. I kept trying to put it off until fall or even the following spring, but we ended up decided on a June wedding - quite predictable, right? We didn't even know which temple we wanted to be married in. I just had never really thought about a wedding and what I wanted. I'm not like a lot of girls who envisioned their wedding from the time they were little. I just hadn't. The only thing I had decided when I was young was that I wanted to be married in the temple. One day after we had talked and felt it was right, Marcos and I took a drive. We went to the Bountiful Temple and walked around for awhile. We talked about a lot of things and had a really spiritual experience together. After that, there was no denying we were meant to be together. I guess the Lord knew I would need some extra convincing. ;) And...we knew the Bountiful Temple was where we wanted to be married. That was our temple now.