A Blah Day!

I don't have anything specific to post about right now.  Actually, you're probably best skipping this one altogether.  So read at your own risk.  I ought to just go upstairs and veg out on the couch until I can fall asleep and tomorrow will be better, but I have some weird need to write about nothing and everything.  It was just one of those days today.  I think I've just tried to do way too much lately and it's catching up to me in a big way.  I woke up feeling the scratchy throat like a cold or something is coming on and had the achy, tired body to accompany it.  I'm sure it's a simple cold, but my body trying to fight it is taking everything out of me.  I don't know if poor Preston is feeling the same way, but he's been so whiny and needy lately that I just don't know if I can deal right now.  Marcos watched the kids for an hour while I was at the dentist yesterday morning and he called me while I was still in the chair wondering where I was.  No, not because he needed to get to something urgent at work, just because he'd had it - after an hour.  Oh, and to top off my need to hurry home to a whiny baby, I have a stupid cavity.  Hello!  I haven't had a cavity since way before I got married.  I was so mad!  So much for my string of perfect dentist appointments.  Okay, so I'm pretty sure that's my problem.  Not only did I not feel well today and my kids were crazy and needy also, but I am just so freaking hard on myself, it's ridiculous.  I watched Oprah yesterday and her clutter bug, clean up your messy house campaign.  I don't really think I have a messy house, but it's not where I'd like it to be either.  I feel like I clean and organize and redo everything all the time, just to have a very average, kind of tidy home.  What the heck?  I guess that's what happens with two young kids (often 3), but it makes me mad.  Watching that show didn't inspire me to get my butt in gear - it's already there - it just made me feel like I'm falling short, even though I'm trying so flippin' hard.  And I've been saving money trying to figure out coupons and sales and all this junk and then I find out how much I could've and should've saved all along.  Wasting our money for what?  Because I'm a slacker?  And I'm mad at myself because I didn't make it to the gym 6 times last week and when I did make it, I didn't do 2 classes a day (like the skinny chicks).  And after I'm finished thinking I'm a failure in every way possible, I move on to feel sorry for myself for all the things I don't have paid off that I'd like paid off and all the things I don't own and won't because there's no money there because I haven't been cutting coupons for 9 years.  See what a vicious cycle my demented little brain puts me into?  I'm just slightly psychotic, not to mention neurotic.  Actually, I blame it all on a few things.  1- society (you should always blame society first).  No, really though.  There's this need since the feminist movement for women to do and be everything instead of just becoming equal but accepting that we're also different.  And so women either work and do kids and everything else or they stay at home and create a million and one projects for themselves just to feel like they are never doing enough.  It's because we compare ourselves to others, but whatever.  2- a bad day.  What's the song?  You had a hard day, la la la la la la (however it goes)...that was me today and 3- my perfectionist mentality.  No moderation in all things for me.  I try and end up pretty moderate in the end, but what I really want is perfection.  I just want everything I do all the time to be perfect.  No problem, right?  Whatever.  I am totally rambling and I'm sorry.  This is such a random post that I'm spewing out onto everyone, but I think it'll be good for someone some day to look back on their great grandma (or whoever I am to that someone) and see that I too had bad days, despite all my effort.  Okay, I think I'm going upstairs now.  Not only is my house not PERFECT like I think it should be, but I think I hear a scratching noise that can only be coming from the inside of the wall.  I'm not afraid of much, but the idea of a mouse inside my wall (if that's what it is) freaks me out.  I'm going to run and hide now and try to sleep off my grumpy negativity!